Kurt Hummel is now in a relationship
by RepriseOurRoles
Summary: A Kurt/Blaine centered facebook style fanfiction. This is basically a mix of crack and fluff.


**I have always wanted to write a Glee facebook fic, so here is my attempt. I hope you enjoy. A lot of this is pure crack. **

**I don't own Glee. If I did Klaine and Brittana would both be happening as real relationships and not just friends.**

**

* * *

Kurt Hummel **is now in a relationship with **Blaine Potter.**

**Mercedes Jones, Rachel Berry **and twenty other people like this.

**Finn Hudson: **Congrats, bro! Don't get pregnant…  
**Kurt Hummel: **…Finn, no ones getting pregnant. It's kinda impossible.

**Finn Hudson: ** You suuuure?

**Kurt Hummel: **Finn, guys can't get pregnant.

**Finn Hudson: **But you're gay! **(Brittany S. Pierce **likes this**)**

**Blaine Potter:** Should I be offended…? **(Kurt Hummel** likes this**)**

**

* * *

Blaine Potter **and **Finn Hudson **are now friends.

**Kurt Hummel **likes this.

**

* * *

Finn Hudson **wrote on **Blaine Potter's wall: **I'm serious! If you get my brother pregnant or break his heart I will hurt you!  
**Blaine Potter: **Finn, guys – gay or straight, cannot get pregnant. Did you fail human reproduction?

**Finn Hudson: **is that like science?

**Blaine Potter:** …

**Kurt Hummel: **Don't worry, Finn. I won't be getting pregnant. I don't have a uterus, and neither does Blaine. And I think he might have Blaine. Last year he thought you could get pregnant without having sex, and that girls had prostates.

**Finn Hudson: **Hey! I'm not that stupid! I'm just not good with science and math and stuff.

**Blaine Potter: **Well, you're sweet for worrying about your brother. I'll take good care of him. **(Kurt Hummel **likes this**)**

**

* * *

Finn Hudson **is now friends with **Wes Peterson **and **David Wright**

**Kurt Hummel: **Oh dear GaGa. How do you KNOW each other?

**Wes Peterson: **Finn came up to meet Blaine, we were with him and you were studying for a test.

**David Wright: **Finn is pretty cool. Though, he thought Wes and I were dating.

**Wes Peterson: **I would go gay for you, David! You are my heterosexual life partner!

**David Wright: **Facebook needs to make heterosexual life partner a relationship choice. **(Wes Peterson **likes this**)**

**Kurt Hummel: **I don't know any of you.

**Finn Hudson: **DON'T YOU LOVE YOUR YOUNGER BROTHER?

**

* * *

Finn Hudson: **Teaching **Burt Hummel **how to use facebook!

**Kurt Hummel: **WHY?

**Finn Hudson: **Because he asked!

**Kurt Hummel: **I hate you, Finn. Hate. Hate. Hate.

**

* * *

Burt Hummel **is now friends with **Blaine Potter** and 40 others.

**

* * *

Burt Hummel** wrote on **Blaine Potter's wall: **What are your intentions with my son?

**Kurt Hummel: **DAAAAAAAAAD!

**Blaine Potter: ** To be a good boyfriend and friend?

**Burt Hummel: **No alterior or sexual motives?

**Kurt Hummel: ** DAD!

**Blaine Potter: **No, sir.

**Burt Hummel: **So you don't care about my son enough to want to sleep with him?

**Kurt Hummel: **Wait… Dad, you want me to be having sex?

**Burt Hummel: **Hush, Kurt, I am in an important conversation.

**Kurt Hummel: **With my boyfriend….

**Blaine Potter: **I mean, I'm a teenage boy, but, uh, not at this point in the relationship. We have only been on two official dates, and have only kissed once. **(Kurt Hummel **likes this**)**

**Kurt Hummel: **See, dad, Blaine is a gentleman. **(Blaine Potter **likes this**)**

**Burt Hummel: **Okay, Potter, you seem pretty good, but just know…. If you pressure Kurt into anything or break his heart: I am a proud member of the NRA. **(Finn Hudson **likes this**)**

**Blaine Potter: **Yes, sir. I give you full permission to shoot me if I do anything you don't like.

**

* * *

Kurt Hummel: **For revenge I am teaching **Carole Hummel-Hudson **to use facebook.

**Finn Hudson: **You are evil, bro.

**Kurt Hummel: **Please, don't EVER call me bro again.

**Finn Hudson: **BROTHA!

**Kurt Hummel: **Sometimes I wonder how we are the same age. Then I remember I am two months older than you.

**Finn Hudson: **But I'm taller!

**Kurt Hummel: **I'm older.

**Finn Hudson: **I'm more popular!

**Kurt Hummel: **I'm not single.

**Finn Hudson: ** I'm not a virgin!

**Kurt Hummel: **And isn't that what ruined your relationship with Rachel?

**Finn Hudson: **Crap. You're right.

**Kurt Hummel: **I'm also smarter. **(Blaine Potter **likes this**)**

**

* * *

Carole Hummel-Hudson **wrote on **Finn Hudson's wall: **What's this I hear about you not being a virgin? Not to pry, but I thought that Rachel girl said you were waiting until marriage.

**Finn Hudson: **It's not the kind of thing you just tell your mom! "Hi, mom, I had a math test today, and by the way I'm not a virgin."

**Brittany S. Pierce: **that's exactly what I told my mom! She gave me ice cream and condoms. **(Noah Puckerman **and 3 other like this**)**

**Carole Hummel-Hudson: **I'm just a concerned parent.

**Finn Hudson: **Kurt is dead.

**

* * *

Finn Hudson: **is now figuring out legal ways to kill **Kurt Hummel.**

**Blaine Potter: **Please don't kill my boyfriend. **(Burt Hummel **and four others like this**)**

**Finn Hudson: **How would you like it if your mom came on facebook and found out you weren't a virgin?

**Kurt Hummel: **You were the one who posted it in a status she was tagged in.

**Wes Peterson: **I know some legal ways to kill people. My dad works for the CIA.

**Blaine Potter: **WES!

**Wes Peterson: **Well, the man asked!

**

* * *

Kurt Hummel **and **Dave Karofsky **are now friends.

**Dave Karofsky **and **Burt Hummel **are now friends.

**Dave Karofsky **and **Blaine Potter **are now friends.

**Sam Evans **and **Dave Karofsky **are now friends.

**

* * *

Kurt Hummel: **Why did I just accept that last friend request?

**Dave Karofsky: **Because you have a mega crush on me.

**Kurt Hummel: **You were the one who added me. SOMEONE misses me.

**Dave Karofsky: **There are no homos to slushie now. Only loosers.

**Kurt Hummel: ***losers.  
And you could just slushie yourself.

**Dave Karofsky: **WATCH YOUR MOUTH.

**Blaine Potter: **Or you'll attack it again?

**Dave Karofsky: **…I'm gonna….

**Burt Hummel: **Dave, this is considered cyber harassment, y'know. I saw it on the news. You can go to jail for that. **(Kurt Hummel **and **Blaine Potter **like this**)**

**Dave Karofsky: **Those homos are smart.

**Blaine Potter: **Offensive language aside I am quite smart.

**Kurt Hummel: **So am I.

**Dave Karosky: **FUCK YOU.

**

* * *

Dave Karofsky **likes **girls.**

**Dave Karofsky **likes **boobs.**

**Dave Karofsky **likes **women.**

**Dave Karofsky **likes **Playboy.**

**Dave Karofsky** likes **hot chicks.**

**Dave Karofsky **likes **Having Sex With Women.**

**Dave Karofsky **likes** Being a manly man.**

**Dave Karofsky **likes** Not being homo.**

**Dave Karofsky **likes** Looking at naked women. **

**Dave Karofsky **likes** Porn.**

**

* * *

Burt Hummel **wrote on **Dave Karofsky's wall: **I'm watching you.  
**Dave Karofsky: **oooh! I'm so scared!

**Burt Hummel: **You better be. No one messes with the Hummel's. You cyber harass my son and I'll kick your ass.

**Dave Karofsky: **WHEN HE WAS AT MCKINLEY HE SEXUALLY HARASSED ME!

**Kurt Hummel: **Liar.

**Dave Karofsky: **YOU KISSED ME.

**Blaine Potter: **Ah, the closet. How's Narnia treating you?

**Burt Hummel: **Wait, is Dave gay?

**Kurt Hummel: **And violently closeted.

**Dave Karofsky: **No. I just got kissed by a fag.

**Burt Hummel: **I don't believe for one second my son kissed you. Also, don't you dare use that kind of language when talking about my son. Don't use that language ever. Do you know how hateful and hurtful it is to talk like that? I used to use that word in high school, but then I grew up.

**Kurt Hummel: **Also, you just let the whole facebook world know about you kissing me.

**

* * *

Dave Karofsky: **I hate the Hummel family.

**Blaine Potter: **And I am sure they hate you too.  
Ps. If you do decide to come out of the closet I am willing to help you.

**

* * *

Blaine Potter **and **Sam Evans **

are now friends.

**Blaine Potter: **…Long time no see.

**Sam Evans: **Uh… Yeah…

**Blaine Potter: **So, you're bi I guess? I mean, not to pester I saw your relationship status.

**Sam Evans: **Blaine… Can we just keep that secret. I'm straight. I like boobs. I. Don't. Like. Dick.

**Kurt Hummel: **Holy crap. You guys know each other?

**Blaine Potter: **Errr, yeah. Well, did. Sam went to Dalton. It's complicated. I'll IM you.

**

* * *

Kurt Hummel: **My gaydar never fails.  
**Mercedes Jones **and two others like this.

**Sam Evans: **I'M NOT GAY.

**Dave Karofsky: **NEITHER AM I.

**

* * *

Sam Evans **wrote on **Dave Karofsky's wall:** Even though I hate you I think we may have a lot in common.

**Kurt Hummel **and **Blaine Potter **like this.

**

* * *

Blaine Potter: **

is in love.

**Kurt Hummel **and thirty others like this.

**Kurt Hummel: **(:

**Blaine Potter: **(:

**Kurt Hummel: **;)

**Blaine Potter: **;)

**Kurt Hummel: **;D

**Blaine Potter: **;D

**Wes Peterson: **GET A ROOM.

**David Wright: **I can get you a hotel if you boys want.

**Kurt Hummel: **That won't be necessary.

**Wes Peterson: **If you guys do it in Blaine's room PLEASE lock the door. I'm his roommate and I don't want to walk in on a live gay sex.

**Kurt Hummel: **There go the plans for tonight….

**David Wright: **GET SOME.

**Blaine Potter: **GUYS, KURT WAS JOKING.

**Kurt Hummel: **I actually wasn't…

**Blaine Potter: **Ohhhhh. Um, your roommate gone?

**Kurt Hummel: **I could kick him out.

**Blaine Potter: **:D

**Kurt Hummel: **:D

**Blaine Potter: **;)

**Kurt Hummel: **;)

**

* * *

Burt Hummel: **I think I may have just found out that my son is sexually active. Carole, where's my heart meds?

**

* * *

Kurt Hummel: **How many virginities can one lose in a night?

**Blaine Potter, David Wright, Wes Peterson, **and three others like this.

**Noah Puckerman: **GET SOME. **(Wes Peterson **and two others like this)

**Blaine Potter: **I think you have about two more to go too.

**Kurt Hummel: **Whenever we do this again (we will do this again) you can be top.

**Wes Peterson: **TMI! …And I am loving it. **(David Wright **likes this**)**

**Blaine Potter: **Wes, David, you guys make me worry sometimes.

**Burt Hummel: **TMI and I am not loving it. **(Finn Hudson **and two others like this**)**

**

* * *

Blaine Potter: Kurt Hummel**, uh, I think I left something in your room.

**Kurt Hummel: **I'm keeping the lube.

**Blaine Potter: **NOT THAT. I mean, you can keep it, but my reading glasses fell out of my blazer I think.

**Kurt Hummel: **You wear reading glasses? Hot.

**Blaine Potter: **Yeah. Check by the bed for them.

**Kurt Hummel: **Found them. And I need to see you in these, you'd look like Harry Potter, which is a bit funny since your last name is Potter.

**Blaine Potter: **Don't remind me. My first year here Wes and David forced me to be Harry, David was Ron, and Wes was Hermione.

**Kurt Hummel: **I NEED PICTURES.

**Blaine Potter: **DO NOT.

**

* * *

Wes Peterson **posted a picture on **Kurt Hummel's wall: **The golden trio. (I'm the best dressed)

**Kurt Hummel: **BLAINE. YOU LOOK ADORABLE.

**Blaine Potter: **WES. YOU ARE DEAD.

**Wes Peterson: **DO YOU KNOW KUNG FU BLAINE, I THINK NOT.

**David Wright: **I JUST WANT TO ABUSE CAPLOCKS.

**

* * *

Brittany S. Pierce **wrote on **Kurt Hummel's wall: **I miss u on the cheerios. ))))): and in glee club.

**Kurt Hummel: **I miss you guys too. **(Mercedes Jones **and eleven others like this**)**

**Blaine Potter: **Wait, you were a cheerleader.

**Kurt Hummel: **We aren't talking about this.

**Brittany S. Pierce: **U WERE THE HOTTEST CHEERIO, KURT. well besides me and Santana.

**Kurt Hummel: **Shut up.

**Brittany S. Pierce: **): it's true! And u won nationals1!

**Blaine Potter: **I NEED TO SEE THIS.

**

* * *

Brittany S. Pierce **and **Blaine Potter** are now friends.

**

* * *

Brittany S. Pierce** posted a video on **Blaine Potter's wall: **Kurt Hummel sings 14 minutes of Celine Dion in French – THIS BOY IS FLEXIBLE.

**Blaine Potter: **hnnnnng

**Kurt Hummel: **I hate you all.

**Blaine Potter: **You need to do that leg move sometime.

**Kurt Hummel: **Not if you keep drooling over me on the Cheerios.

**Blaine Potter: **No sane person wouldn't drool over you. **(Dave Karofsky **likes this**)**

**

* * *

Brittany S. Pierce **posted a video on **Blaine Potter's wall: **Cheerios do 4 minutes!

**Blaine Potter: **This one is even better. Kurt, I didn't know you could sing that low! And those hips…

**Brittany S. Pierce: **He sang lower than that on the pink house song. it was so hot that i thought he wasn't capitol g gay and we dated.

**Blaine Potter: **Wait… You dated Kurt?

**Brittany S. Pierce: **and we made out! I kept my perfect record! he let me hold his baby soft hands too. but then he became a dolphin again.

**Blaine Potter: **…a dolphin?

**Brittany S. Pierce: **you know. Dolphins are gay sharks.

**Blaine Potter: **Learn something new every day.

**Brittany S. Pierce: **I bet kurt is good in bed. Even though he didn't get hard kissing me.

**Brittany S. Pierce: **if I wore a strap on would you or kurt or any gay find me hot?

**Blaine Potter: **…

**Brittany S. Pierce: ** i get that a lot.

**

* * *

Quinn Fabray: **Is your boyfriend shouting out a guys name while making out warrant for a break up?

**Noah Puckerman: **Depends on the guy.

**Quinn Fabray: **His ex boyfriend.

**Sam Evans: **YOU KISSED ME WHERE BLAINE USED TO KISS ME. I'M SORRY.

**Noah Puckerman: **Shut up, Ken. Barbie is getting a new man. Go build your dream house with that guy or something.

**

* * *

Sam Evans **is now single.

**Quinn Fabray **is now single.

**Quinn Fabray **is now in a relationship with **Noah Puckerman.**

**Mercedes Jones **and fifteen others like this.

**

* * *

Sam Evans: **has been forced out of the closet.

**Blaine Potter: **WELCOME OUT OF NARNIA.

**Sam Evans: **it feels awkward having my ex say that.

**Blaine Potter: **At least you admit we dated.

**Sam Evans: **It was more sex than dating. **(Brittany S. Pierce **and **Santana Lopez **like this**)**

**Blaine Potter: **I loved you.

**Kurt Hummel: **Now I feel awkward.

**Blaine Potter: **?

**Kurt Hummel: **My boyfriend and ex-crush had sex.

**Sam Evans: **You had a crush on me? That explains the 60 mp3s! btw I still listen to them.

**Kurt Hummel: **I was desperate. **(Quinn Fabray **likes this**)**

**

* * *

Dave Karofsky: **I've had a few revalations.

**Blaine Potter **and ten others like this.

**Kurt Hummel: ***revelations

**

* * *

Dave Karofsky **and **Sam Evans **are in a relationship.

**Noah Puckerman **and thirty two others like this.

**Finn Hudson: **I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE STRAIGHT.

**Kurt Hummel: ** Dave is on team gay and Sam is on team bi.

**Brittany S. Pierce: ** GO TEAM BI!

**Finn Hudson: **Whoa. **(Kurt Hummel **and five others like this**)**


End file.
